About Me

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Fly Me to the Moon...

Actually, don’t. I like my feet on terra firma, thank you.

I write this from above 10,000 on some plane that I thought 10 min ago was FOR SURE going down. I was actually so scared, I rang the flight attendant and actually asked her the following:

“Ummm, so it seems this plane is slowing down a lot and kinda shaking and also turning…are we about to plummet to our death?”

This would not be the first time I’ve asked a flight attendant this sort of question, by the way. For the record, the ALL give you the same response, “Oh no, this is normal, you just look at my face and if I look worried, then you should worry and if I don’t, you shouldn’t.”

I don’t believe them anytime they tell me this (do you think those flight attendants on the flight from Brazil to France that went down in the Atlantic knew a thing?). But, you better believe I watch the flight attendant’s facial expression like a hawk. I also listen to the pilots like its God speaking to me.

[Doesn't look worried....yet]

I’m not sure why I’m such a nervous wreck flying. You’d think I’d be over it by now as I fly about once a month. But, nope, still the girl rebreathing into her hands who, at times, has her hands over her eyes during take off as it that is going to make it all go away (who is also intermittently saying “oh my God” like it’s a tic). Pray to God you never sit next to me on a plane.

I try to remind myself that “its all physics” and that “these pilots are very well-trained and safety checks are numerous.” Still, I have thought the following in flight (not this particular one, on different ones): that the wing was going to fall off, that the plane was breaking in two, the engines were about to fail, that the wing was on fire (that one was actually just the red light on the wing flashing), that we were going to roll over because we were banking too much…this list could go on and on.

I get particularly nervous on Airbuses (rather than Boeing, yes I have a preference in manufacturer of my plane). I think the Airbus A330 or whatever it’s called was in several crashes in the past few years. Also, I had a particularly bad experience (and by bad experience, it was my completely fabricated experience) during a flight from DC to NYC on said Airbus. I SWORE that when we were taking off and then turning that the plane was stalling and just KNEW we were going down. On this particular flight, I was with my whole family and my mom pretended like she wasn’t related to me (and then whispered to me, “Do you see ANYONE ELSE freaking out on this flight?!?”). My sister had to calm me down with some TV show on her iPod. Thankfully, we are all still alive.

[dreaded airbus A330]

I also get pretty nervous on these commuter jets (Embraers) that I fly between NYC and TN because these are the ones that went down in KY and near Syracuse (first one was on too short of a runway and second one was a problem with ice on the wings).

Basically, no plane is ok with me.

I should really go into a flight simulator before a mile race or something because my adrenals are working at the level they would if I were being chased by a tiger in the Serengeti. I swear to you my epinephrine level is through the rough. I would run a mile under like 6 min or something, I’m so amped up.

Thankfully, we are, for now, in some smooth air. But, I mean the nose does seem a little downward pointing and we are DEFINITELY not descending yet…

And, now we’re kind of shaking...FANTASTIC. And the lights are off. I hate that. I feel like I’m sitting in a cocoon of terror.

[the word cocoon reminds me of the very hungry caterpillar]

So, I’m going to soothe myself by listening to Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” on repeat. I think the song, on a whole, is a terrible influence for the younger set, but KP knows how to make a catchy song…


  1. I still can't believe you rang for the flight attendant! Hahah

  2. wow. I thought I was the only one that felt EXACTLY like that on planes. I literally stare at flight attendants and grip the armrests like they will save my life with every bump. I think it's a control issue for me, and what actually helps is just giving in and thinking "well, if I'm supposed to die on thuis flight, then I can't stop it." Glad you got there safely :)

  3. Oh, I can so painfully relate! A lot of people don't like when babies are on their flights, but I LOVE it. I fixated on their mothers and it calms me down to know that no mother would fly with their baby unless it was SAFE!!

    Deep breaths, I got nervous just reading this, ha ha.